Tiny steps - the good "no"

Some things are easy to say no to, in order to have a simpler, slower life. Magazine subscriptions, free samples you don't need, buy one get one half off - all these may be hard to say no to initially, but after some practice simplifying, I find these fairly easy to decline. 

There are, however, other things that are far harder to say no to. Social outings at work, coffees with friends, parties and other social engagements... Things that normally would be fun and energizing, but that do not always balance well with what I feel is right for Little A and myself. Sometimes I feel like I would rather say no, than go to these type of events, because the need for quiet and calm days is greater than the need to socialize. This is something I am working on: Learning when I should use the good "no".

Recently, Little A and I were invited to my cousin's birthday party. The whole extended family would be there, it was a long time since I had seen them, and it was going to be one of those few times per year when the whole of my father's side of the family gets together. There were many reasons to go, and it was the plan all along. But then, Little A slept badly every night for seven nights. He was either awake for hours, or he got up at five in the morning. And when Little A is awake, I am awake too. By the time the weekend came, we were both exhausted, and I just knew that the party would be more of an ordeal than a pleasure. Little A would be lying on the floor, holding his ears, and I would be spending all my time trying to make him more comfortable, and not really get to talk to anyone. So, I used the good no. 

Using the good no can feel uncomfortable, because you are saying no to something that is supposed to be fun. Moreover, there is the guilt at disappointing others, especially if they don't understand your perspective. Still, in my experience, using the good no opens up the possiblility for a better day, even a good day - because you have acknowledged the needs of your family and yourself. 

Little A and I do much better when we have days that are open. Waking up on a Saturday morning to a day that is unplanned and with no demands on you - that is a lovely feeling. I can look out the window and assess the weather, take time to feel what I'm up for today and observe Little A to see what might be a good activity for him. Then we can do things in our own time. The day of the party, we ended up going for a little walk, having pizza at a downtown restaurant with my boyfriend and his kid, and stopping by a street fair on the way home. All spontaneous, all with the opportunity for going home if it got to much for Little A (or myself...).

Regardless of having a child with special needs or not, I think we all could use the good no from time to time - in order to breathe, slow down and do what feels right. What do you think?

My little decluttering assistant

Have you ever come across this sight? If you have small kids (or a dog?) I guess you have. 

Little A sometimes gets into a frenzy of "tidying", which essentially means that he throws everything out of a cupboard/drawer/shelf with wild enjoyment. This has really frustrated me (a lot) in the past, but recently, when I saw how he had thrown all of my winter scarves on the floor, I imagined what he might be thinking. "Mamma has this many scarves! I can throw them on the floor! I can make a mountain of them! I can swim in them!" 

I know that I have a lot of scarves. I love them. It makes me feel good and cosy to wrap myself in a soft scarf, and I like to match them to my clothes. When you add the fact that Norway has scarf weather from August to May, you can imagine that I have had plenty of opportunities to buy and wear scarves. However, when I saw the pile on the floor, and knew that these were only my winter scarves (not the spring/autumn ones), I decided to take the hint from Little A. 

Nine scarves went to charity straight away, and I'll have another look when winter comes and I see what I'm actually wearing. 

A few days later, Little A threw half our DVDs on the floor. Making me realise how we don't even have a DVD player anymore... so why do I have two cupboards filled with DVDs? Most of them will go as well. 

So, I have realised that I should see Little A as my decluttering assistant, instead of a clutter monster. Decluttering and more peace of mind, wrapped into one.    

Guilt-free Monday

It's Monday, the first day of the school year, and a rainy day. Little A and I had pizza for dinner, and it felt pretty great eating pizza in front of the TV (watching Dora the Explorer) after a long day at work and in kindergarten.

Some would say I should feel guilty because I fed my child pizza, and let him eat it in front of the TV. But - I don't.

There are many reasons why you shouldn't feel guilty about taking some short cuts here and there in your daily life.

First of all: Nobody knows what it's really like to be you, and what is going on in your life. For me, this was being awake for hours in the night, trying to get Little A to go to sleep, the past two nights.

Secondly, you can make a really good pizza, that is homemade (and really not that unhealthy) in only 15 minutes. Convenicency and home cooking in one!

And last, but not least: You can have a great time together, watching TV, singing along to the songs and hugging as you're watching. Nothing wrong with that.

What short cuts do you take to get days that are slower and more enjoyable?

Wishing you all a happy, guilt-free Monday!

Ane :)

PS: In case you're wondering about the pizza... The key is to make the dough in advance. We had pizza for Sunday dinner, and we made a double portion of dough, that was kept in the fridge overnight. The sauce was also a doble portion, so when I came home from work, all I had to do was: Turn on the oven, flatten the dough onto the baking tray, add the sauce, some cheese, ham and paprika, and bake for 10 minutes. Done!

Tiny steps - enjoying the metro ride

How often are you checking your mobile phone with one eye, while using the other on what you're supposed to be doing? I do it all the time. And - I have noticed that it's getting worse. During the summer holiday, I have been checking Facebook and my email far more often than is really necessary (or healthy...) for anyone.

This especially happens when I'm waiting for the metro, or riding it. Riding the metro from my home to the city centre takes only fifteen minutes, and the ride to my son's kindergarten is only four. Perfect for checking email and catching up on what's going on, right?

The only problem is - I'm missing the ride. The views of the valley outside the windows. The flickering lights in the tunnels. The other people sharing the ride with me.

My son, Little A, knows how to appreciate a good metro ride. He shrieks with pleasure at the opening and closing doors, lets out a bubbling laugh at the sight of people with wheelie bags, and thoroughly enjoys the darkness of the tunnels. Shouldn't I be enjoying all of this with him?

When he was younger, I did. But then it all got repetitive and, frankly, I got a bit tired. Had he been able to have a conversation about the metro, it might have been different, but his vocabulary of words and signs is limited.

Today, though, I put away the phone. And for five minutes on the metro, I crouched down next to his stroller, and saw the metro from his point of view: The doors open with a beep, and people come rushing in from all sides! The doors close with a thud! The metro train swooshes through the tunnels! I looked into his face and he was smiling, laughing, enjoying the ride. He pointed out to me that the tunnels are dark. That the doors say bang. That the people with wheelie bags are going to fly on a plane.

If I put away the phone while I'm on the metro (or any type of public transportation, really), I get to:

• Join in Little A's world
• Take a few minutes to do nothing
• Let my thoughts wander
• See the people around me (at least the faces that are not lost in their phones)
• Read a book (if I'm taking the metro alone, that is)

There are many other things that could be said about smart phones and what they do to us, but I will get back to that later. These are tiny steps, so let's keep them small and easy:

• I will not be doing random stuff on the internet while riding public transportation. 

I'll let you know how it goes!

What about you? Are you constantly checking your phone to see what's going on? Or do you know someone who loves the metro as much as my kid does? Let us know in the comments below!

What am I doing here?

The short answer would be: Because I feel like I have something to share, and hope to be inspired by what  you, strangers out there, have to share as well.

The longer answer is messier, and perhaps not even an answer. But it has something to do with loving books and writing, scribbling and illustrating my own little books before I even knew how to write. It has something to do with gathering things, more or less meaningful, over many years, and then starting to realise that those things are, in fact, mostly - just things. It has something to do with becoming a single parent and struggling to keep up with it all, and still trying to be and do everything, even though I am not Superwoman. It has something to do with seeing more and more clearly, every week, every day, that my child is something other than everyone expected. And slowly realising that I have to be someone else, or something more, than I had planned.

Writing is a way of figuring out what we are thinking, as is talking to others with a different perspective. Want to talk and get to know each other a little more? I'd love to hear from you!