Tiny steps - the good "no"

Some things are easy to say no to, in order to have a simpler, slower life. Magazine subscriptions, free samples you don't need, buy one get one half off - all these may be hard to say no to initially, but after some practice simplifying, I find these fairly easy to decline. 

There are, however, other things that are far harder to say no to. Social outings at work, coffees with friends, parties and other social engagements... Things that normally would be fun and energizing, but that do not always balance well with what I feel is right for Little A and myself. Sometimes I feel like I would rather say no, than go to these type of events, because the need for quiet and calm days is greater than the need to socialize. This is something I am working on: Learning when I should use the good "no".

Recently, Little A and I were invited to my cousin's birthday party. The whole extended family would be there, it was a long time since I had seen them, and it was going to be one of those few times per year when the whole of my father's side of the family gets together. There were many reasons to go, and it was the plan all along. But then, Little A slept badly every night for seven nights. He was either awake for hours, or he got up at five in the morning. And when Little A is awake, I am awake too. By the time the weekend came, we were both exhausted, and I just knew that the party would be more of an ordeal than a pleasure. Little A would be lying on the floor, holding his ears, and I would be spending all my time trying to make him more comfortable, and not really get to talk to anyone. So, I used the good no. 

Using the good no can feel uncomfortable, because you are saying no to something that is supposed to be fun. Moreover, there is the guilt at disappointing others, especially if they don't understand your perspective. Still, in my experience, using the good no opens up the possiblility for a better day, even a good day - because you have acknowledged the needs of your family and yourself. 

Little A and I do much better when we have days that are open. Waking up on a Saturday morning to a day that is unplanned and with no demands on you - that is a lovely feeling. I can look out the window and assess the weather, take time to feel what I'm up for today and observe Little A to see what might be a good activity for him. Then we can do things in our own time. The day of the party, we ended up going for a little walk, having pizza at a downtown restaurant with my boyfriend and his kid, and stopping by a street fair on the way home. All spontaneous, all with the opportunity for going home if it got to much for Little A (or myself...).

Regardless of having a child with special needs or not, I think we all could use the good no from time to time - in order to breathe, slow down and do what feels right. What do you think?